you say you feel like the passenger
in your own head. no longer driving
just watching, waiting. going through the motions
of days that have become all too predictable
one repeated action after another done just to keep
your head from bashing itself in.
I say are you happy? and you say no,
not even slightly. you’re watching
your life play out from a foggy window, too far away
to laugh and joke and love. I say do you
still want me? do you love me any less?
don’t know the answer so you flip the question.
time flies screaming out the door- it waits for no one-
but drags its tail through the dirt,
and we watch it steal the weeks as it goes. I want to tell you:
someday the motions will be less smoke and haze
the days will be crystal and breathe the life back in you,
break through the rusted doors to your heart, leave them
wide open again. someday you’ll feel like you
and I’ll feel like me and these car rides won’t end
in tears and hands squeezed much too tight.
someday you’ll wake to the sun’s sleepy eyes
blinking back at you, your love spilling over
like too much fizz, and you won’t quite believe it.
I want to tell you: it’s real. you’re alive. you can believe.
SHOULD I EVER FIND A GENIE
1. I wish to steal the eyes of men
who dismember me with their gaze
and chop up my essence to make of me
only gaping holes and a pair of tits.
2. I wish to soothe the oozing sores
in my heart, to throw myself in a sea of feathers
and serotonin that wrap themselves around my body
until my euthymic mind once again grows fruit.
3. I wish to hoard every happy memory
in a neat little box, like a dragon with her jewels,
to turn them over night after night in my fingertips,
and fuse them to my soul until it, too, turns to gold.
WANDA DEGLANE is a psychology/family & human development student at Arizona State University. Her poetry has been published or forthcoming on Dodging the Rain, Rust + Moth, Anti-Heroin Chic, and elsewhere. She writes to survive. Wanda is the daughter of Peruvian immigrants, and lives with her giant family and beloved dog, Princess Leia, in Glendale, Arizona.